*this i wrote last night. feeling better now. thanks david, yufen, wai, beck and akbar, thanks for caring.

EEO again plus a D7. even with tuition, nothing seems to help. I'm trying hard to be optimistic, strong... etc. not working. did my favourite solution, sleeping it away. doesn't work either. this time reality came to smack me in the face when i woke up. What will i do if i get EEO again. bum around? get a fucked up job? lead a fucked up life? with this i'd get no where. i dont want to cry next march. i want to be hysterical with joy. Reality is far far from that now right?

Continue to work hard and pia whatever.... is not working at all. how am i to know it will work the final time? i'd reap what i sow! ha! pure bull in my case. i need support amd encouragement from the right people. their only comments now are sometimes hurtful mean and insensitive. i need a hug. them to tell me to do my best. not last night you cry until the rain started is it?

i have given up stuff so i can try harder. lesser time on the com, less time with friends, less time shopping. i havent seen a certain group of people for 4 months! i wasnt allowed to go out with them recently. not cause i didnt want to. higher authority didnt want me to. i'm sorry my dears. i know you guys are really annoyed with me. please understand. i'll be back in action after i get this over.

im tired.















i should go to playgrounds more. its easier being a kid. i dont friend you seemed simpler. david, i want hug